Submission 3

I’ve grown up in a household that is by no means unfamiliar with mental illness. Siblings and parents are both on all sides of the spectrum. There was a peak of stress and chaos and moments that really tested the strength of our family, but the past couple of years have felt like we are weaning off of that and slowly healing. Being the youngest, I’ve felt I have grown into an observer. I feel as though I am hyper-aware of mental struggles and have learned to be very perceptive of them. However, for some reason, I feel this intensity to neglect my own struggles.

This year has been the hardest in a long time, filled with loneliness and a lot of change that I have struggled to deal with, but I am so hesitant to address it because I have this pressure in my head that my family has passed that time in our lives. It feels ridiculous to feel that way and I know my family is so supportive I just for so long have kind of been on the sidelines dealing with things on my own and I pride myself in my responsibility, but recently I’ve just had this ritual at night where I lay in bed and just get so in my head about things and so stressed where I feel I don’t really belong anywhere but then I will convince myself that it is just some kind of scenario in my head and to be honest sometimes I can’t tell if I really am struggling or just telling myself I am.

I’ve talked about how hard of a year it has been to a few people, but it’s always kind of in a light-hearted and joking manner, but I think I need to take it more seriously. I’ve tried therapy before when I was younger, and it was fine, but I didn’t really know entirely what I needed from it. I think I may need to just talk to someone who knows more than I do.

-Anonymous